'There is a very thin line between genuine help , good-natured condescension and pity. It is usually quite comical when you are the recipient of any of the above from people who identify with you. You most often want to correct such naivete when you come across it, but most times, you are just too plain tired of trying. Simply because you meet it ever so often out here, even among good-natured friends and well meaning educated people " EAU.
I wrote the above on my profile and got quite a couple of confirmatory nods of recognition, because it is something that I think every one of us, Africans living or studying in the Western world have encountered at one time or the other. Sometimes, it is horribly blatant, and other times, it is just subtle. However we meet it, it invariably generates a myriad of emotions - from controlled rage to mild pity . I am pretty sure this will apply to Asians and Arabs too, as we get to meet and greet with the 'learned west', only to recognise that even the most learned of them, can still have this sort of good-intentioned condescension.
For those who do not know what I am taking about, I might try to elucidate briefly. Have you ever encountered a situation where someone , in trying to 'help' you or most commonly 'identify' with you, says or does the very things that you consider both insulting to your person and amazed at the naivete being portrayed ? I know I have...many many times. Living in Europe means that you will meet those people, who while smiling at you, and have all the good intentions of offering you to come have dinner at their house do so with the thought ' Ah...he is from poor africa...where those kids are always starving -- lets welcom him in... do our part for humanity!'. Again, not everyone you meet has this myopic view of Africa, but it does suprise me how many of the 'educated' people I meet still make my toes twitch with some of their misplaced actions or comments.
Now lets get something out of the way! I am not talking about racists! I cannot dignify them with any sort of discourse; but I am talking of the sometimes well-intentioned people who still 'don't get it!". They refuse or fail to understand that , actually, you did have a really good childhood, and yes, you might wear your african top (which I find particulary sexy sometimes), but it doesnt mean you are lost and cannot read the train and bus signs on the road. These people mean well.... well, most of the time, but their basis of goodwill is somewhat distorted by the little they know...what Ngozie Adichie calls 'the danger of a single story'. We know the press and literature over the years have given them this picture , but you can only use that as an excuse for a while....atleast thats my thought. There is more than press , as a source of information. Maybe if you ask US...we might be better placed to tell you the nuances of our culture and outlook... yes, and we might tell you senegal is nowhere close to Cameroon, and Nigeria doesnt share a border with your last safari trip destination! And no! When we decide to dress african, it doesnt mean we have never been to school.... schools do actually exist in Africa you know.... and good ones too. And double no!... the fact that I am from Cameroon doesnt mean I know the barman you met on your one vacation trip to Tanzania!! And please... please dont ask me if I speak africans again!! Finally.... I am not that hungry, or starved! Have never been - and with the gifts God has bestowed on me - hopefully will never be!. In all honesty, sometimes it wants to make you pull your hair out. But most times, you know they mean well, but have a gaping hole in their information about who you are, and what you are about.
The truth is , you can't educate everyone who throws things like that at you... it gets tiring because they are too many. From professors, to co-workers. From ministers trying to campaign for charity for hungry africans (and how they always throw an affirmatory nod in your direction if you are seated in the audience, you know, as if to say, " you know what I am taking about right ? This is for you... I know how you feel and where you come from, and I am doing this for you--- hakuna matata!"). It can make you sick in the stomach that those who are supposed to be so much more knowlegeable still fall prey to the very things they seem to loathe about 'other people'.
What to do ? I leave you to answer ?
Arent we all guilty of this at one time or the other ? I think we are, but with a little caveat! Our cultural background and upbringing teaches us alot of intrinsic humility, such that , though we might assume a single story, we usually do not approach it with a 'know all' mentality. That is the difference. I guess it is an advantage borne as a result of the sad fact of having been lorded over for a large part of history, but nonetheless, it makes us have a little doubt in things we say; like 'maybe I am not that accurate about them after all'. It leaves room for doubt in dealing with humanity, which I propose is a good thing. Room to doubt our own knowledge and question our conclusions is probably what alot of the world needs now, in our dealings with people from different tongues , creeds, and cultures. Because out of this doubt is borne a deference and an eagerness to learn; out of this deference is borne a humility in taking people at face-value, and asking THEM about THEIR story, and not clinging to what we saw on BBC or CNN. I am actually still waiting for that day where such news media will run positive programs about my continent like ' enjoyin life as a cameroonian university youth', or ' happiness from a nigerian musical perspective'. Maybe such will make the world know that happiness does mean different things to different people in different circumstances, and we are not all starving or infested with HIV.
I will conclude with two instances in my life that personified what I have been trying to say. I reacted differently in both instances, but I guess I got the best results too -- you be the judge;
Instance 1: I was eating lunch with my colleagues a few months ago, and I think I had more than was necessary for me that day, and so I tossed some of my food into the garbage bin. I had a colleague (who I must confess hates waste of anything) tell me ' why are you throwing that food ? You of all people should know how valuable it is, given where you come from --- you know, there is alot of hunger in Africa '. Now, in this instance, I couldnt remain christianly calm, so I blew my top (moderately), and gave a piece of it to him in the most holy way I could (well honestly, it wasnt that Holy). I made him know in no uncertain terms that he probably grew up hungrier than myself because I did grow up in a really well-fed house (I have the jaws and the butt to prove it!). And the fact that some parts of Africa had hunger issues doesnt mean I am any more knowlegeable of the concept than he was ? Newsflash - It is a continent, not a country! I told him I was sure that where he grew up, (Poland), there were more hungry people in his neigbourhood than mine. Now, I said all this in the most measured scientific calm I could muster given that we were surrounded by other 'elite' thinkers who had not seen anything wrong with his statement. I left with a good result, as they were stunned to silence, and I got an apology after. It was well-intentioned, but the basis of information and conclusion was pitifully hollow .
Instance 2 : I live about 25 mins walk from my lab, which is smack in the city centre. Hence more often than not, I prefer to walk or take a bus instead of drive. This fateful morning a few weeks ago, I decided I had not worn my recently bought designer african top (yes, it was top Cameroonian designer kirette couture!). I knew I was looking good, but again, I knew I was also looking different for a spring morning. I realised I had an early morning meeting so I walked to the bus stop to see whether I could take a bus. The bus times were like 15 minutes off, and I was running late, so I decided to walk home and drive to work instead!. All this while, there was this homely old woman who was walking to the bus stop too, and had seen me looking at the bus details and walking away. She came up to me with this really nice smile and said very warmly ' Dont be bothered... the bus goes round and round , and comes back right here!... you can wait'.. and again the 'knowing' nod! I was slightly amused because I was sure she didnt do this to any of the other people standing at the bus stop, but somehow thought it worthwhile to help this man to know EXACTLY how a bus route functioned!. Well in this instance, I looked straight at her and mustered the most heavy african accent I could and deadpanned ' Thank you so much ... we love women who are kind like you in my village. I will like to marry you as my 14th wife,--- I have big farm! " . heheheheeh..... I still laugh when I remember the look on her face as she scurried off past the bus stand, in absolute horror!.
I know from all such instances I have reacted differently , and in some, I have had no reaction at all. I think my righteous anger has been dulled somewhat by the frequency of such events. My question is...is there a better way to treat such instances ? I know you have encountered one of such. If you have, do share with me your wisdom on how you dealt with it. For all I know condescension IS condescension.... good-intentioned or not. Infact, I do think good-intentioned condescension is tautology... I will prefer to say ' ignorant condescension'. What about you ?
EAU
I wrote the above on my profile and got quite a couple of confirmatory nods of recognition, because it is something that I think every one of us, Africans living or studying in the Western world have encountered at one time or the other. Sometimes, it is horribly blatant, and other times, it is just subtle. However we meet it, it invariably generates a myriad of emotions - from controlled rage to mild pity . I am pretty sure this will apply to Asians and Arabs too, as we get to meet and greet with the 'learned west', only to recognise that even the most learned of them, can still have this sort of good-intentioned condescension.
For those who do not know what I am taking about, I might try to elucidate briefly. Have you ever encountered a situation where someone , in trying to 'help' you or most commonly 'identify' with you, says or does the very things that you consider both insulting to your person and amazed at the naivete being portrayed ? I know I have...many many times. Living in Europe means that you will meet those people, who while smiling at you, and have all the good intentions of offering you to come have dinner at their house do so with the thought ' Ah...he is from poor africa...where those kids are always starving -- lets welcom him in... do our part for humanity!'. Again, not everyone you meet has this myopic view of Africa, but it does suprise me how many of the 'educated' people I meet still make my toes twitch with some of their misplaced actions or comments.
Now lets get something out of the way! I am not talking about racists! I cannot dignify them with any sort of discourse; but I am talking of the sometimes well-intentioned people who still 'don't get it!". They refuse or fail to understand that , actually, you did have a really good childhood, and yes, you might wear your african top (which I find particulary sexy sometimes), but it doesnt mean you are lost and cannot read the train and bus signs on the road. These people mean well.... well, most of the time, but their basis of goodwill is somewhat distorted by the little they know...what Ngozie Adichie calls 'the danger of a single story'. We know the press and literature over the years have given them this picture , but you can only use that as an excuse for a while....atleast thats my thought. There is more than press , as a source of information. Maybe if you ask US...we might be better placed to tell you the nuances of our culture and outlook... yes, and we might tell you senegal is nowhere close to Cameroon, and Nigeria doesnt share a border with your last safari trip destination! And no! When we decide to dress african, it doesnt mean we have never been to school.... schools do actually exist in Africa you know.... and good ones too. And double no!... the fact that I am from Cameroon doesnt mean I know the barman you met on your one vacation trip to Tanzania!! And please... please dont ask me if I speak africans again!! Finally.... I am not that hungry, or starved! Have never been - and with the gifts God has bestowed on me - hopefully will never be!. In all honesty, sometimes it wants to make you pull your hair out. But most times, you know they mean well, but have a gaping hole in their information about who you are, and what you are about.
The truth is , you can't educate everyone who throws things like that at you... it gets tiring because they are too many. From professors, to co-workers. From ministers trying to campaign for charity for hungry africans (and how they always throw an affirmatory nod in your direction if you are seated in the audience, you know, as if to say, " you know what I am taking about right ? This is for you... I know how you feel and where you come from, and I am doing this for you--- hakuna matata!"). It can make you sick in the stomach that those who are supposed to be so much more knowlegeable still fall prey to the very things they seem to loathe about 'other people'.
What to do ? I leave you to answer ?
Arent we all guilty of this at one time or the other ? I think we are, but with a little caveat! Our cultural background and upbringing teaches us alot of intrinsic humility, such that , though we might assume a single story, we usually do not approach it with a 'know all' mentality. That is the difference. I guess it is an advantage borne as a result of the sad fact of having been lorded over for a large part of history, but nonetheless, it makes us have a little doubt in things we say; like 'maybe I am not that accurate about them after all'. It leaves room for doubt in dealing with humanity, which I propose is a good thing. Room to doubt our own knowledge and question our conclusions is probably what alot of the world needs now, in our dealings with people from different tongues , creeds, and cultures. Because out of this doubt is borne a deference and an eagerness to learn; out of this deference is borne a humility in taking people at face-value, and asking THEM about THEIR story, and not clinging to what we saw on BBC or CNN. I am actually still waiting for that day where such news media will run positive programs about my continent like ' enjoyin life as a cameroonian university youth', or ' happiness from a nigerian musical perspective'. Maybe such will make the world know that happiness does mean different things to different people in different circumstances, and we are not all starving or infested with HIV.
I will conclude with two instances in my life that personified what I have been trying to say. I reacted differently in both instances, but I guess I got the best results too -- you be the judge;
Instance 1: I was eating lunch with my colleagues a few months ago, and I think I had more than was necessary for me that day, and so I tossed some of my food into the garbage bin. I had a colleague (who I must confess hates waste of anything) tell me ' why are you throwing that food ? You of all people should know how valuable it is, given where you come from --- you know, there is alot of hunger in Africa '. Now, in this instance, I couldnt remain christianly calm, so I blew my top (moderately), and gave a piece of it to him in the most holy way I could (well honestly, it wasnt that Holy). I made him know in no uncertain terms that he probably grew up hungrier than myself because I did grow up in a really well-fed house (I have the jaws and the butt to prove it!). And the fact that some parts of Africa had hunger issues doesnt mean I am any more knowlegeable of the concept than he was ? Newsflash - It is a continent, not a country! I told him I was sure that where he grew up, (Poland), there were more hungry people in his neigbourhood than mine. Now, I said all this in the most measured scientific calm I could muster given that we were surrounded by other 'elite' thinkers who had not seen anything wrong with his statement. I left with a good result, as they were stunned to silence, and I got an apology after. It was well-intentioned, but the basis of information and conclusion was pitifully hollow .
Instance 2 : I live about 25 mins walk from my lab, which is smack in the city centre. Hence more often than not, I prefer to walk or take a bus instead of drive. This fateful morning a few weeks ago, I decided I had not worn my recently bought designer african top (yes, it was top Cameroonian designer kirette couture!). I knew I was looking good, but again, I knew I was also looking different for a spring morning. I realised I had an early morning meeting so I walked to the bus stop to see whether I could take a bus. The bus times were like 15 minutes off, and I was running late, so I decided to walk home and drive to work instead!. All this while, there was this homely old woman who was walking to the bus stop too, and had seen me looking at the bus details and walking away. She came up to me with this really nice smile and said very warmly ' Dont be bothered... the bus goes round and round , and comes back right here!... you can wait'.. and again the 'knowing' nod! I was slightly amused because I was sure she didnt do this to any of the other people standing at the bus stop, but somehow thought it worthwhile to help this man to know EXACTLY how a bus route functioned!. Well in this instance, I looked straight at her and mustered the most heavy african accent I could and deadpanned ' Thank you so much ... we love women who are kind like you in my village. I will like to marry you as my 14th wife,--- I have big farm! " . heheheheeh..... I still laugh when I remember the look on her face as she scurried off past the bus stand, in absolute horror!.
I know from all such instances I have reacted differently , and in some, I have had no reaction at all. I think my righteous anger has been dulled somewhat by the frequency of such events. My question is...is there a better way to treat such instances ? I know you have encountered one of such. If you have, do share with me your wisdom on how you dealt with it. For all I know condescension IS condescension.... good-intentioned or not. Infact, I do think good-intentioned condescension is tautology... I will prefer to say ' ignorant condescension'. What about you ?
EAU
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